Most of us have been taught that in order to have a “good” relationship, you have to put the other person first. You’re supposed to make them the priority, “compromise” your desires for theirs, as though this is what will create a great relationship. We bend, fold, and mutilate ourselves in order to have what we’ve decided a relationship is supposed to be.
The crazy thing is that the other person picked you because of who you were before entering into the relationship. Now what they have is a watered-down version of who you were in some effort to try to keep them happy. What actually ends up happening is that over time, you become resentful that you gave up so much of yourself for this other person. Then you create conflict and anger, only putting more distance between you and the other person.
If you didn’t have to give up you and instead chose to be all of you in a relationship, you could have a very different reality in relationship. The definition of relationship is actually “the distance between two objects.” What if it wasn’t about separation, but instead about creating something different together?
If you choose for you in relationship and make a demand of yourself, that no matter what it looks like, no matter what it takes, you will have you, then that is what you will create. There might be some fall-out. There might be people who have been used to you giving up you for them, who might be less than thrilled with your choices. Be willing to let them leave.
What if you were willing to be for yourself what you thought you had to find in someone else? If someone wants to come along and join you, then that’s wonderful, but if not, that’s okay too. You can choose to be the source of your happiness no matter what.
When you commit to have a creationship with you, the world around you changes. You stop looking for someone else to be something for you, because you know you are already complete, content and fulfilled on your own. You just get to enjoy people without projections and expectations. How much more fun could you have in relationships with anyone, romantic or otherwise, if you no longer functioned from the need of them and instead allowed them to be a contribution to your life? What if creationship is the energy you’ve been asking for?
Join Heather and Marnie for a 3 part call series, Creationship: What if every day was day one?